Loss.

So instead of writing up a post about how excited we are to be expecting another baby, I am left to write up a post about the loss of one.

We found out on Tuesday, that the sweet baby we were set to welcome on March 22, 2012, was no longer growing and no longer had a heartbeat. The loud, reassuring heartbeat that Noah and I had heard at both 7 and 8 weeks was no longer detectable. What loss. What sadness.

Although I know that I am surely not the first, nor the last person to suffer through a miscarriage, it all feels new to me. The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions.

Since it took longer to get pregnant this time than it did with Elle, I was ecstatic when I saw the two pale pink lines show up on the home pregnancy test that I took several months ago. I immediately crumpled into a heap on the bathroom floor sobbing my thanks to God. Finally!

But, this baby was not meant to be welcomed into our arms. God has a different plan for our family. We rest assured that He is in control and that He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. And so we wait. We wait for His comfort, we wait to figure out what the next step is and where we are to go in the midst of this inconceivable loss.

The little things that change are the moments that have caught me most off guard. Placing my week-to-week pregnancy book back on the dining room bookshelf, deleting my next OB appointment out of the calendar on my phone, taking the first sonogram pictures off of the refrigerator, and trying to explain to a two-year old that she isn't going to be a big sister... not yet.

But, our God is faithful. We have felt the prayers of so many of our friends and family who have interceded on our behalf, and for that we are forever grateful.

"For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11