Loss.

So instead of writing up a post about how excited we are to be expecting another baby, I am left to write up a post about the loss of one.

We found out on Tuesday, that the sweet baby we were set to welcome on March 22, 2012, was no longer growing and no longer had a heartbeat. The loud, reassuring heartbeat that Noah and I had heard at both 7 and 8 weeks was no longer detectable. What loss. What sadness.

Although I know that I am surely not the first, nor the last person to suffer through a miscarriage, it all feels new to me. The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions.

Since it took longer to get pregnant this time than it did with Elle, I was ecstatic when I saw the two pale pink lines show up on the home pregnancy test that I took several months ago. I immediately crumpled into a heap on the bathroom floor sobbing my thanks to God. Finally!

But, this baby was not meant to be welcomed into our arms. God has a different plan for our family. We rest assured that He is in control and that He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. And so we wait. We wait for His comfort, we wait to figure out what the next step is and where we are to go in the midst of this inconceivable loss.

The little things that change are the moments that have caught me most off guard. Placing my week-to-week pregnancy book back on the dining room bookshelf, deleting my next OB appointment out of the calendar on my phone, taking the first sonogram pictures off of the refrigerator, and trying to explain to a two-year old that she isn't going to be a big sister... not yet.

But, our God is faithful. We have felt the prayers of so many of our friends and family who have interceded on our behalf, and for that we are forever grateful.

"For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Easter Bunnies & Birthday Cakes

April is over and May is on it's way out as well and I still haven't found the time to post any Easter or Birthday pictures of Elle. She absolutely loved Easter this year and was so excited to dye eggs and then hunt for them (we read the Easter story many, many times as well!)

We had a family party for Elle this year since we did a big bash last year. It was so much more realxing for me and I don't think Elle noticed that none of her friends were there since she was surrounded by all of her family. We were so blessed that everyone was able to make it - and that everyone came even though it was on Mother's Day. I think we will probably do a friends party next year for her third birthday, because by then she will actually have a better idea of what's going on and will enjoy having her friends there. We have already started receiving birthday invitations for all of her friends since they all have summer birthday's - so fun!

Elle, here is what you are up to at 24 months.

You love to play outside in your new sandbox and also in your swing. The "squitos" are out now though, so we don't get to stay out very long because they love your sweet baby blood! You love to mimick Mommy and Daddy and slap at your legs when you think a "squito" is on you - it's really cute!

Your vocabulary is continuing to grow each day. You say some of the funniest and sweetest things at this age. My favorite is still "oh my gosh" because you say it was such sass! Yesterday you went up to Grayer after not seeing him for a few days, grabbed his chubby cheeks and said "Grayer, I missed you!" It was precious! You said the same thing to me this morning when I got you up - ha!

You have been having a lot of tantrums lately and I think the terrible two's are officially here. I heard from our pediatrician that the terrible two's usually happen before you actually turn two, but I think you saved it up! We are working on obeying and also not throwing tantrums every time you don't get your way. You are pretty bossy (not sure where you get that from?) and expect to get your way all of the time, so we spend a lot of time talking about being "nice" and "kind".

You have been using the potty for a few months now, but not always consistently. You are always so proud of yourself and always clap and say "yay!" every time you go!

You have been paci-free (except for bedtime) for almost two weeks. You have done so much better than I thought you would and your Daddy and I are so proud of you! You still ask for it on occasion, but it usually doesn't turn into a big issue.

You love to watch Elmo, Sesame Street and Veggie Tales. You are allowed to watch one show in the morning after your breakfast and we let you pick it out. You usually get through about 3/4 of the show you chose and then try to say you've changed your mind and want to watch a different one - sneaky, but it usually doesn't work!

Your appetite has improved a lot over the last few weeks, which seems to be how it goes with you. For a couple of weeks you won't eat anything and then after that you will eat everything on your plate. I prefer the latter.

You did awesome at your 2 year doctor's appointment last week. Dr. Sue was so impressed with how good you were and you didn't even flinch when the nurse gave you a shot! We don't have to take you back until you're three, which seems crazy after taking you so often for the first two years. I can't say I'll miss it though!

You love to play with your Elmo and Bob the Tomato toys. "The boys" (that's what you call them) have been going with us everywhere lately, even to the park where you love to push them in the swing and send them down the slide. You have always been very maternal and it's sweet to see you play with your babies.

You are at such a fun and, at times, difficult age, but we are so thrilled that you are growing into a precious little girl. You are very sweet and sensitive and you bless us every day. We love you sweet girl.

22 Months

Elle is 22 months old today and is changing into a little girl more and more each day.

Elle, here is what you are up to.

Your vocabulary is really expanding, albeit sometimes we can't exactly understand what it is you're saying. Sometimes you think it is so funny to just ramble off a bunch of gibberish just because you always get such a laugh out of us. Your favorite thing to say to me lately is, "Mommy, help me?" It is so cute, and I of course, always stop to offer my assistance whenever you ask me so sweetly.


Before we had you, your Daddy and I always talked about how cute it would be to hear you say "hold you", instead of "hold me" whenever you wanted sometime to pick you up (Kiki and I used to say the same thing). You are now giving us such joy, because you are always saying "hold you" or "rock you".

Your new favorite, favorite thing to do is play on Mommy's iPhone. I finally got smart and downloaded a bunch of apps just for you, so now you have an entire page of fun things to play with. That usually keeps you away from calling or texting people, but I still have to keep a pretty close eye on you.

You have an obsession with ELMO. You love him! You want to watch his movies, read his books, play with his stuffed toy, cell phone, and coloring book. We even had to buy you new "Elmo cups" because you saw some other kids who had them.

We took you on your first camping trip last weekend and you loved it! You love being able to run around and play in the dirt and rocks. You did not sleep well though, so it may be awhile longer before we try that again :)

You still insist that your name is spelled E-E-L.

I've been working on counting with you, but you are not very interested in learning your numbers. I sometimes will count to three if you're about to get in trouble and I'm pretty sure that has been a deterrence in you feeling the need to learn to count - ha!

You love your animal books and are getting really good at recognizing which animal is which. Your new favorite words to say are "octupus" "peacock" and "alligator". Whenever you point to the picture of the bear you say "eat you!" the shark you say "Scary!" and the spider you say "Oh, yuck!"

You say "Golly" ALL THE TIME! It is so cute because it is usually when I'm saying we need to hurry or you shouldn't be doing something.

Your temper tantrums have decreased a lot lately, which has been nice. You seem to really understand the rules, which makes communicating and disciplining you so much easier. You really have such a sweet spirit and I see that more and more every day (could the terrible two cloud be lifting? .... I won't count my chickens just yet!)

Your appetite has been a little better lately. I still spend a lot of time trying to convince you to eat and your Daddy plays a lot of games in order to distract you - but at this point we are both willing to do whatever it takes.

You are a very happy girl! I can't believe you'll be two in just two more months. Slow down!

Update

Elle turned 21 months old last Tuesday. She certainly keeps me on my toes and I rarely have the time to update the blog. Here is a run down of what she's up to.

Elle now repeats everything! Noah thinks it is really funny that when you ask her if she can say something, and you give her an entire sentence to say, that she will only repeat the last word - as in "do you want to go to the park?" and she'll say "park". Or you say, "can you say Timbuktu?" and she'll say "two".

I have really begun to realize how much more a Mom can understand as opposed to other people who aren't around as much. I constantly find myself being the interpreter for her around other people. This morning when Noah was brushing his teeth Elle kept saying "Daddish" and Noah would correct her and say, no, my name's Daddy, not Daddish. I had to tell him she was saying that the toothbrush was "Daddy's", not calling him Daddish :)

My itty, bitty picky eater has hit a major no-eating phase. It is exhausting to say the least. She is ever the drama queen and will almost always "gag" on anything she finds unappetizing. The only foods that are quaranteed to go down her throat are: string cheese, avocado, yogurt, and hummus. We are both currently obsessed with hummus. At this point, I'll let her eat goldfish and oreos just to ensure she is actually ingesting some type of calories. Call me crazy.

Nothing makes Elle more excited than taking a bath or going to the park. If you tell her it is bath time she will immediately start stripping off all her clothes and screaming for joy at the top of her lungs. She is pretty fearless at the park and loves to swing as high as we'll push her and go down the tallest slide a million times. When it's time to go, she will always say "bye-bye park. next time" (Bye-Bye park. See you next time).

The girl loves music and loves to dance.

Elle is obsessed with her Bumbo. We have it set out on the counter so that she can be in on the action while we are preparing her meals. She would prefer to eat her entire meal in her Bumbo, as opposed to her highchair, but she only occasionally gets her wish, since she also likes to rumage through the cabinets while she's up there. The funny thing is, that most babies outgrow their Bumbo's sometime around the age of 6-9 months, but since Elle is such a skinny minny, she still fits in hers!

She still loves to read books and will bring you book after book to read for as long as you can take it. She is currently obsessed with Dr. Suess books and her favorite is Hop on Pop. She will ask you to read "Hop on Pop" a million times a day. We have made several trips to the library lately since they have so many great Dr. Suess options.

Lotion, lotion, lotion. Elle loves to play with any type of lotion! I swear she knows where every tube or bottle of lotion is in our entire house and she will hunt it down if you try to put it out of reach. If she is ever in meltdown mode at the store, all you have to do is hand her a bottle of lotion and she will be set for the next hour - granted, you will have to wipe it off the cart, your purse, and her entire outfit before you can leave the store, but it's worth it, right?

She must have her "pees" (paci) and "binky" (blanket) at all times. Noah is determined to start breaking her of this habit when she turns two, but I can already see myself giving in when her desperation for them is so strong. It's going to be a loooooong road.

This age is so much work and so much fun wrapped into one joyous bubble. I wouldn't change it for the world, even on the days I feel like pouring myself into bed at 7:30 PM when I put her down.

Elle, you have the sweetest spirit and your Daddy and I love you so very much. We cherish every smile and hug you give us. You are truly precious!

Here are a few pictures from the last several months.

Mom, did you seriously draw on my feet?

Daddy is such a goofball!

Helping Daddy make some cookies.

Museum of Nature & Science

Since it has been too cold to take Elle to the zoo or to the park, today we had finally been cooped up too long and needed to get out of the house. I had looked up the Museum of Nature & Science this summer, but thought that it was probably a little too mature for Elle, but I looked into the Children's Museum that they also have in the same building and it seemed like a good fit. I thought we were just going to pay to go for the afternoon, but when I got there I decided to go ahead and get a one year membership. I think it was a good choice because Elle really enjoyed the Children's Museum. There are some really fun things to play with including a water table and sand station (oh my!) Thankfully today there were not many people there, so we were able to exlpore the entire place. We had a good time -- I'll have to bring my camera next time and take a few picture of her.

On a side note, Elle has miraculously been sleeping a little later the past few days, which has been wonderful! I never thought that I would feel LUCKY to sleep in until 6 AM, but hey, I'll count my blessings!

Here are some pictures of Elle at the zoo a few weeks ago.

Good Morning, Sunshine!

I would never consider myself a morning person, but apparently Elle thinks that needs to change. Ever since the time change -- when was that? over a month ago? -- Elle has been getting up around 5:45 AM. And then last week she started getting up around 5:15 AM and this week she has started getting up around 4:45 AM. That's the middle of the night, people! I am at my wits end and have no idea what to do! We have tried keeping her up later and that hasn't worked and I've started going in there and trying to rock her back to sleep, but so far that hasn't worked either. Honestly, I usually end up leaving her in bed until she starts really fussing, which is usually around 5:45 or 6:00 AM, but once she wakes up, I am never able to fall back asleep.

It's been difficult lately because Noah likes to stay up until 11 PM or so, and then Elle is waking me up at 4:45, which means I'm running on under 6 hours of sleep each night. I try to take naps whenever Elle does, but really I just wish she would start sleeping later. I don't think many people read this blog other than family, but if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears!

On another note, our Christmas cards arrived a couple of days ago, but the top of the card was altered and it cut the top of Elle's head off. So, I had to have them reprinted and they are supposed to arrive by Friday. I am hoping they will be printed correctly this time, because they really turned out cute!

Noah and I got tickets through Sewell (we may or may not have requested them back in April) to Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas. We went last night, which was opening night, and it was wonderful! We had a great time! The opera house that we saw it at is sponsored by Lexus, so they had a reception before the show for Lexus owners and we were able to have some fantastic food/wine. We are very lucky that Noah works for such a great company that does nice things for their employees. We are sure never to take that for granted!

Lovin' this weather

Since I am convinced that it is EVENTUALLY going to get COLD around here, Elle and I have been trying to take advantage of the nice weather and do things outside as much as we can. She loves to walk around out in front of our house and crunch all the acorns and leaves. We usually go outside at least once a day to get some fresh air and swing in the backyard.

Yesterday Elle and I went to the zoo and had a great time as usual. It is nice now because there is never anyone there, so we pretty much have the entire zoo to ourselves, which is great with an active toddler who has a mind of her own. Elle was able to feed the fish in the koi pond, pet the goats, and we even went into the bird sanctuary and had several birds land on our shoulder and fingers (well, actually only mine, not Elle's, she was not too thrilled with them).

Today Kellie let us borrow her pass to the Arboretum, so Elle and I went for a couple of hours this afternoon. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and that is actually why I have time to be writing this post. Ha!

Here are a few pictures from today of Elle checking out the Texas Pioneer Village.

Hello December!

For some reason, I have been waiting for this day for a long time. I guess maybe it doesn't feel like Christmas time until it is actually December. Elle and I have been loving the cooler weather and getting to dress in our boots and coats.

I ordered our Christmas cards a couple of days ago, and I got an e-mail this morning that said they have been shipped - I'm so excited! I think I am going to wait awhile to mail them out though, because I don't want to look too overly anxious. Elle has been sooo good about not touching our Christmas decorations and I am so proud of her. The only thing she does sometimes like to touch is some gold beads I put on our Christmas tree. I couldn't figure out what was so appealing about them, until yesterday I caught her putting them over her head. Duh, she thinks it's a necklace!

Of course Noah has already been working on a puzzle and is almost done with his first one. I decided this year that instead of me reading in the other room while he works on his puzzle, that I would get a book that I could read aloud. We are several chapters into this book

and we are both really loving the time we get to spend together doing what we both love to do.

I talked Noah into baking our first batch of Christmas cookies last night and it was a success! We actually needed to bake them a little longer since they turned out a little gooey, but now we know and our next batch will be great!

18 months

How did my sweet little baby grow up into a one and a half year old? Where has the time gone? Even though the last 18 months have gone by way too quickly, I have truly loved every day with Elle. She is such a sweet spirit and she has "grown up" into such a fun little girl.

Elle, here is what you are up to at 18 months.

You weigh 21.1 lbs and are 32 inches long.

You continue to amaze us with your comprehension and understanding. You really seem to grasp what we say to you and it is so fun to watch you learn new things each day. You obey so well and it makes me so glad!

You are starting to say a few more words -- like "Yeah", "Yuck", "Papa", "Noo" and "Whoa!" You make the funniest expressions and always keep us laughing!



You are very outgoing and love to wave hello to EVERYONE! If anyone ever ignores you, you just keep right on waving until they say Hi to you!

You love your cousin Grayer and are (usually) pretty sweet with him. You have held him a few times and after some inital reluctance, you loved it! You think you are such a big girl. You didn't seem to mind when Mommy held him at first, but now you are starting to show some jealousy!

I had no plans to start potty training you yet, but recently you have started showing some signs that you might be ready. I think I am going to hold off on any further attempts until after Christmas when we will get you your own potty seat. We will see how things go then. I can't believe you are already old enough to POTTY TRAIN! What's next -- a BIG GIRL BED?

You are still working on your "I" teeth. None of them have come through yet, but your poor gums are pretty red and swollen. I bet it won't be too much longer.

For the past month or so, you have been getting up around 6 AM -- AKA THE CRACK OF DAWN! You help Daddy get ready for work in the mornings and you two spend some good time together, while Mommy may or may not get back in bed -- Ha!

You spent a lot of time with your Grandparents this month and you really loved it! You are so blessed to have such great Grandparents who will drop anything to care for you when Mommy and Daddy need some time away. You love to spend time with your Nona, Mimi, and Papa (you now calls Pops that) and they always SPOIL you!

Elle Adelaide, we can't believe you have already been the center of our universe for 18 months! You continue to fill our lives and hearts with so much love and joy. Sometimes I don't know what we ever talked/laughed about before you arrived! You are the sweetest, most tenderhearted girl we have ever known. We love, love, love you!


PS. I think this will be my last monthly post of Elle. I have enjoyed looking back at some of her first months and seeing how much she has changed, but I don't think she will appreciate me continuing it until she is 18!

17 months

(I wrote this post last week and apparently forgot to post it. Oops!)

Time is flying by! It seems like yesterday that I posted Elle's 16 month update.

Elle, here is what you are up to at 17 months.

You have certainly entered the toddler/terrible two's phase this month. If you don't get your way, you throw a tantrum or start crying.

You are teething again and that also has you feeling pretty crummy some days. I am hoping that once you get the next four teeth in we can take a break for awhile!

You learned to say "bye-bye" and "Kiki" this month. When we ask you to say Grayer, you do an imitation of a baby crying -- it is really cute!

You LOVE to dance! Whenever you hear any music, you always stop and start bouncing. You love to swing your arms around and bust a move. You and Mommy have dance parties in the afternoons most days when we turn the music up really loud and dance around like crazy people! You love it when I twirl you around!

You are such a good Momma to all your babydolls. You push them around in the stroller (sometimes at breakneck speeds!) and you will stop and pull them out and love on them. You always want everyone else to hug and kiss them too!

You still have some seperation anxiety and will usually walk to all the doors in the house and say "Mama? Mama?" whenever I leave. You usually calm down pretty quickly though and I am hoping this LONG phase is going to pass soon.

You love to play at the park. You now prefer slides over the swings (that was soo 3 months ago!) and you love to climb up them and then turn around and slide down. That tends to work much better when we are the only ones there...

You are obsessed with books and bring them to me all the time to read. Your favorites are the ones with animals in them.

Elle, you are turning into a very independent girl these days. Your Daddy and I love watching you learn. You are so sweet and we wouldn't trade your hugs and kisses for anything in the world. We love you!

Elle at 7 weeks

Elle at 7 months

Elle at 17 months